marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
