So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
