I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
