it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
