can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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