My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The air was thick with penises
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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