I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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