She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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