You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
