I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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