He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
