Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
