I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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