I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
