i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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