I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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