I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
