KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
