You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
