He kissed a someone with a penis
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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