Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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