hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
