So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize