That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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