His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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