Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
