he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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