Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
