Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
