the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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