Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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