i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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