sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
