if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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