toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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