life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
