Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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