Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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