Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
