yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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