I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The uberlube is also flammable
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
