I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
