at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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