My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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