I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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