You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
