i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
