Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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