I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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