I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
