return my video game
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
