***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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