so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
