I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
