I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
