I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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