Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
