I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
