pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
