people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
