how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
