I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
