I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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