Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
