Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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