Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
