The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
