I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
