how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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