people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
