He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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