I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize