You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
