Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
