god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
