nut hugger
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
