I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
