PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
