All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
