If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
